With a house full of little kids, we've quickly come to realize that there is a lot of truth to the old saying "pick your battles". Personally, I'm a big believer in this mentality. The thing I like about this saying is that it doesn't imply you shouldn't fight certain battles, but more importantly you don't need to fight every battle. Both my husband and I work in high stress fields where we need to take charge and make important decisions on a daily basis. My work was where I first really implemented the idea of picking your battles carefully. There are situations at work where I will put my foot down and fight battles to make sure my patients receive the proper care needed at the proper time. But on the flip side, there are other times where I can be flexible, let go of the control aspect, and choose to not fight small battles that really don't matter. By picking my battles at work, I feel like I function better because the work environment and our team is overall happier and therefore working better together.
As our kids have grown older and more opinionated I've quickly realized that adopting the same philosophy at home of picking my battles with the kids is important and helps to maintain peace at home. It's not always easy to step back, say ok, and let your child be in control, but I feel like it's important (at times) for several reasons. I will say that there are situations that are non-negotiable with the kids-I don't care how much they cry or fight, if their health & safety is in jeopardy there is no arguing with mommy or daddy we automatically win that battle.
So what sort of battles aren't worth fighting? Everyone will have their own answer to that question, but personally I try to ask myself in the grand scheme does this particular issue really matter? If I find the answer is no, then I try to put aside my own opinion and choose to not fight the battle. For example, if I set the table with a blue plate for my daughter to eat dinner on but she sits down and says no, she wants an orange plate does arguing over which plate she uses really make a difference? No, if anything saying ok and switching to the color plate she wants allows her to grow up feeling like her opinion is not only heard, but its respected and valued. In addition, allowing kids the freedom to make decisions and be in control of certain things (whether that be their outfit selection, the book they want for bedtime, or what vegetable they want with dinner) allows children to become more self-confident and self assured. It's extremely important to me that we raise our children (in particular our daughters) up in a manner that they feel confident enough in themselves and their voices to speak up and let their opinions, desires, and dislikes be known.
I will admit that it's really hard to give in sometimes and just say ok. Recently our second daughter went through a stage where she insisted on sleeping on the floor with her giant teddy bear instead of her bed. For the first week or so I fought her and tried to make her sleep in her own bed, because that's where she "should" sleep. This led to lots of tears at bedtime and both of us getting frustrated and upset. Finally I just said ok and gave in. I did not understood why she wanted to sleep on the cold hard floor, and I certainly wasn't going to snuggle on the floor with her. But, if that's what she really wanted then why should I fight her on the issue? Letting her sleep on the floor wasn't going to harm her. If anything it made her happy when I finally just gave in and said sure, you can sleep there. Seeing her sleeping on the floor made me feel bad because it seemed so hard and uncomfortable, but she was happy so I let it go. Thankfully the phase didn't last too long and she is back sleeping in her bed again (most nights).
I'm sure this idea of picking our battles will only continue to grow in importance (and difficulty) as the children get older so it's a good practice to get into now while they are young and the issues at hand are actually pretty minor.
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