I'll be the first to admit, I absolutely love the baby stage where they are completely dependent on us to take care of their every need and the associated constant baby snuggles. At the same time though, I've really enjoyed as our kids have gotten older and I get to watch them become more independent. One of the things that I personally find challenging as a mom is knowing when to intervene, and when to allow the child to figure out a task on their own.
As parents our natural instinct is to want to jump in and help our kids if we see them struggling, but to a certain degree struggling isn't always a bad thing. As children grow up they are constantly faced with learning how to do new skills (ie getting dressed, tying their own shoes, making their bed, etc). These skills involve not only learning how to do a physical task, but equally importantly it's teaching the kids about self-efficacy, independence, determination, patience and persistence just to name a few things. For these reasons, I believe it's important that we don't immediately sweep in and do everything for our children.
Take getting dressed for example, it's much easier for me to quickly pick out a cute, coordinated outfit and quickly put it on the child. However, by teaching and allowing them to pick out their own clothes and get themselves dressed you're actually helping your child to do several things. For starters, you are helping them think logically and problem solve (ie what do I need to wear when it's cold or hot outside). Secondly, you are allowing them freedom to choose and express their own individual styles and creativity. Third, you are helping them with fine motor skills (ie pulling a shirt on over their heads, doing buttons or zippers). Lastly, they are learning how to become independent and accomplish something on their own.
When it comes to getting themselves dressed, it takes time for them to learn all the essential aspects but it's easy to start small and gradually they become more proficient at getting dressed themselves. Starting around the age of 2 I've let our kids pick out their own clothes for the day. (The exception is if we are going somewhere really special, then I will pick a few outfits and they choose which one they'd like to wear from my selections). For our normal day to day activities, or for school I will help them figure out what is seasonally appropriate by offering clues such as as it will be hot or cold tomorrow, but beyond that I let them choose what they'd like to wear. Sometimes it's really hard to bite my tongue and not laugh at their selection, but I think it's important that they get a chance to express themselves and be proud of their choices. As the child grows I will let them try to get the clothes on by their self, but I still sit next to them ready to help if I start to observe them really struggling or getting too frustrated if the clothes aren't going on correctly. When they are having a hard time, and can't quite get the clothing article on I usually say something along the lines of would you like me to help you? Surprisingly, the initial answer from my daughters is often no. They actually want to work on it by themselves for awhile. The smile and look of pride on their face when they finally manage to get the clothing article on by themselves is priceless.
It's fun to watch my oldest grow more independent because now at 4 1/2 years old she gets herself completely dressed in the morning, and then helps her almost 3 year old sister get dressed before they come running into our room. Nothing makes me smile more than hearing the pitter-patter of their footsteps as they sneak into our room early on a Saturday morning and as they proudly announce "I got dressed all by myself, mommy!" I never know what creative outfit I'll see when I open my eyes, but it never ceases to make me smile as I kiss them and say great job!
If you normally pick out your kids clothes, I encourage you to take a step back sometimes and let them do it. You might be surprised of what they're capable of doing, and get a good laugh (to yourself) of their outfit selections.
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